Get Yourself a Grant

Hello to my adorable website I have so very missed but purposefully avoided. . . it's time to share a piece of my 2020 story.  

Like most of us when the pandemic started, I had high hopes for a new hobby with the spare time I would have.  Don't get me wrong, I created every beaded bracelet, molded myself some glittery trinket resin dishes but the one thing I avoided was my feelings which is typical Tay.  I put them far away, naively thinking the isolation was a moment in time and what life was before would quickly come back.  Looking back on these last 9 months, I've discovered more about what I've needed in my life in a way that hit me head on.  I needed change, a new perspective.  I needed goals outside of work that pair back to the desire for a corner office.  I needed fresh inspiration.  I needed to create a life in the midst of being busy creating a living.  I needed the right partner.  I needed to find another layer of determination in myself.  The work push and pull was always a known thing in my life I couldn't exactly figure out the balance of.  And while it's something I still strive for, I've realized I need to give myself a break.  And thankfully, in a year which under the covers has felt heavy and sad, there were big moments I am forever changed by and ironically, most were all outside of the WFH laptop.  

It's been difficult to put this year into words which is why I avoided this sweet little space and as weird as it sounds, getting thoughts to paper makes what I've experienced these last 9 months more real.  I love working but work too much.  I love living alone but am alone too much.  I love overpriced martini's.  I didn't give myself enough time to think about what I want for my future and with the pandemic, all I had was time.  White space.  Time to think.  Time to think about what I might not have focused on.  But it's not all doom and gloom because with all of the things you think you don't have, double that and it's what you do.  Everyone has a 2020 chapter filled with trials and small celebrations.  We all have a story to tell as we look back on a year like no other but it's taught me the common thread of who I've surrounded myself with in this life. . . resilience.  

When I started my blog (well photo journey) years ago, it was grounded in a fluffy element of surrounding yourself with pretty things.  A life motto, right?  And for me, it still truly is.  Things that make you feel happy, secure and cozy even if it was with a ceramic cat or pretty pink chair.  My home was always an escape.  Little did I know years later, the cove I've created on Chestnut was exactly the place I needed when being home was where you had to be.  

So what have I learned?  What did I accomplish?  What am I grateful for?  Here's Tay's top thoughts with of course, a side of pretty photos. 

1.  I have the absolute best tribe.  I've always known I've cultivated one hell of a gal pal group but this year I understood just how special those friendships were.       
2.  Ironically, in the midst of spending so much time alone, I spent more time with my parents.  I realize this is a huge privilege and one I did not take lightly.  When the studio apartment felt a little too crammed, when my mind was running a little too wild, the south bay escape became routine.  Of course, filled with Fred's dirty martini's but it was much more than that.  I'll look back in forty years and be thankful we had those moments.  Family over everything.   
3.  I have the best instinct.  That little voice in my head is a strong one.  One that usually remains patient, reserved, thoughtful but she has one hell of a gut.  
4.  Give me Dateline and The Undoing, any day.  Thanks to my grandma, Mary Lou, I will forever have the creepy crime gene.  Pair that with some fantastic skin care routines & I've unlocked the formula to make your soul sparkle.  Ladies, four words; Augustinus Badar Rich Cream.  You're welcome & yes, it's worth the price tag.  

5.  Going to a wedding during Covid will make you realize what is important in life.
6.  I branched out of my nook and met my neighbor who moved in a year ago.  What was a happenstance type of meet turned into a friendship I was so surprised by.  We've challenged each other in a new way to get out of our bubble and go after things we want.
7.  I bought my first car.  What was another weekend spent in the south bay was another moment met with happenstance.  I had seen a two-tone Jeep in the Marina and thought it could be a cute car transition for me.  A little edgy and sporty for Tay.  And on a Saturday morning whim, we drove by Steven's Creek and there she was.  A white + black little beauty just waiting for me.     
8.  It took me nearly two hours solo but I put up palm print wallpaper on a small accent wall in my studio when I was feeling like home needed a little refresh.  When the directions boldly stated it should be done with two people , I laughed and thought, well they aren't me. . . and I was right.  A lot of determination, a step ladder with a pair of heels and kitchen utensil to get the positioning just right, I did it on my own.  I'm just bummed I didn't think of adding it sooner.  I immediately bought two more rolls just to have for the day I create a closet filled with it.  
9.  When you spend a lot of time alone, you quickly realize one thing; you don't have someone to share this life with. . . yet.  It's taught me I don't want to spend another pandemic by myself.  I want a partner, someone who would be at home in a twinkle lit nook.  And now there's one more requirement, he'll have to win over Grant which leads me to #10.  
10.  I became an aunt.  The job of Auntie Tay Tay was one that I knew would come someday but one I never ever thought would bring so much meaning to my life.  It opened up a sensitive bone in me that is overwhelming and a love I never knew could exist.  When you start crying reading bedtime stories, you know you are a changed boss lady.  

A quick story on Grant.  I will never forgot the morning I found out his name.  I was on a team Zoom and couldn't get my internet to work so took the call from my phone.  Thankfully, no one could see me on video because after 15 minutes went by and that text came through, "Meet Grant Taylor Beadle," I was brought to uncontrollable tears.  I was so moved I could barely get the words out, "He has my name!"  I knew having a sister would be special but you never realize just how tight that bond can be until moments like that.  In a name you have forever, a name I've always loved for myself, I get to share it with a little guy who has made this crazy year the most joyful one.  The instant mood boost of 2020.    

As we finish out this year, I hope you are able to find happy moments, be thankful for those in your life and realize, this is just a small blip where we'll look back and think, I grew.  I persevered.  I came out of 2020 a better person than I started it as, recognized the little wins in a big way and that's a little something to celebrate.

xoxo,
Tay