We All Have A Hunger

Hello, it's me, Tay.  I was wondering if after a few months you'd like to catch up.  To go over the latest with TC.  She's back with some thoughts this Sunday night.  The last time we chatted, I was escaping to Truckee, had a surprise visit to my favorite Palm Springs and am now sitting here nearly two months later, wondering how it's August.  2018, where are you going?  I still have a few things to cross off the list so if you could slow down, that would be great.  And although, there's a few points to highlight, a story about a meet cute with a swan at the Palace (yes, you read correctly, it's not a pink door this time) and the reason I am obsessed with the letter H; there's admittedly a realization about my current love/hate relationship with my career, centered around a new word, "uncomfortable."    

To be honest, it's been hard for me to put the last few months into words.  I walked into work on a random Wednesday, with another promotion and a large challenge laid in front of me.  It was the sweetest reward because I got to share it with my work wife.  Not to get lovey-dovey (ironically that's her last name) but she is one of the sole reasons I show up everyday ready to dominate.  Even though inside lately, I am feeling insecure; she's taken the boss reigns to remind me I can conquer anything and it was me who led the way for us to storm into success.  And it's that one word, "uncomfortable", that's hard for me to swallow, when usually I exude a bossy ere.  Nothing work wise typically phases me.  I'm a bulldog who can tackle anything and has little anxiety when charging through those office glass doors.  Until now.

What's funny is that if you told me 5 years ago, I would have been promoted nearly every year, I would have laughed in your face.  I remember high school TC who needed an SAT tutor and got the same retail related math question wrong every single week.  Ironically about a dress discount.  Without fail, the 10% off and then the 10% markup question tricked me every time.  So for those of you who thinks it's not possible to prove your younger self wrong, I'm living proof you can.  I never thought my best friend would be Excel, never thought a petite, 5'2 TC would have a presence and that anyone would listen.  If I were to share a secret to my success, Lesson #1; don't underestimate yourself and no one else will.  Lesson #2; cute office supplies don't hurt either.  An "I'm very busy" notebook says a lot without having to tell someone.  Lesson #3 which I am living everyday in my new role; never be afraid to tell someone you don't know.  It will take you a lot farther to admit you need help from your team than to pretend you have all the answers. 

So why the newfound obsession with the letter H?  Well besides it being a luxury brand, it happens to be the letter of my middle initial, Hall, which is so special to me; even more so than Crary (sorry Freddie).  It's part of the reason I am so connected to the blog and my love of decor because of my grandmother.  Hall happened to be her maiden name and is my mom's middle name.  A mosaic H has recently taken residence on my new white coffee table with a vintage Parrot brush.  Blanche at her finest.  Aside from the Hall that lives inside my heart everyday, it's the theme around my work life; Hustle and Hunger.  Bring in Florence and Machine and the title of this post.  And in the last half a decade, my Hunger has been just that.  Setting myself up in my career to then coast into the other half of life's Hunger... Love.  And for that story, stay tuned. 

So what's this story about my swan encounter at the Palace?  It's the old bitty in TC coming to life.  A few of you may have seen the gold birds that reside in my place.  It's granny chic to the max and one of the best decor finds.  It's not unusual that a few times a week I venture to the Palace.  It's beautiful, looks different every time you see it and is majestic.  I think the best date would be the Palace, a striped blanket, rose and playing cards which I have yet to experience.  And thus the point of my story.  I usually blast some tunes to get amped for the week ahead and find myself there.  I stopped at the water and I kid you not, the swan at the other end came bolting for me.  I think she knew I had gold birds in my house and if you believe in those sorts of things, I think it was my grandmother, ML.  She cruised up to me, did a little pose and let me get the most amazing pics.  We had a moment and soon enough, a crowd formed around us.  It's those life moments where you see what you want to believe and in that swan, there it was; the H in me, the Hall, the Hunger.

And with that, on what turned out to be yet another foggy, gloomy evening in SF; I'll leave you with this.  Being a person who is hard on herself and has high expectations is a double edged sword.  You don't let yourself revel in your success, you focus on the moments of weakness which in the end, only make you stronger if you let them.  Accept the fact that sometimes you need to take a breath and a moment to figure out your next hand. 

Until next time, the next martini, the next pink house or in my case in about 3 weeks, a pink hotel.
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xoxo,
TC  ​